Karisha Jade

When it comes to relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of finding “the one” and forgetting about the most important person in the equation: yourself. Before jumping into a relationship, it’s crucial to take some time to find yourself and make sure you’re in the right place for a healthy and happy partnership. After years of being with my ex partner, I found myself lost and confused as to who I was, so instead of looking for love to fill that void, I worked on myself.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you”

Rupi Kaur

But how do you find yourself? Everyone always rolls their eyes to travelling solo and discovering who you are. I’m sure we’d all love that option, but nevertheless the process isn’t as complicated as you might think. Here are a few ways to help get you started:

1. Get to know yourself. Take some time to explore your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses, and what truly makes you happy. Try new things and see what you enjoy. You’ll find that many things won’t suit your taste, but how else would you know? If that’s maybe taking up old hobbies that you haven’t done in a while or trying out crazy new adventures, why not give it a go?
2. Take a break. If you’ve just come out of a relationship, it can be easy to jump into the next one without taking a step back and evaluating what went wrong. Take a break from dating and spend some time alone to figure out what you want in a relationship and what you’re looking for in a partner. Lots of people think that by filling in that space with another person will be a good temporary fix. However, the key is in the word ‘temporary’; they will leave and the cycle will continue. Sometimes by focusing mainly on you and evaluating what you’re now looking for is a fabulous way to start! You could even get creative with it and make visual representations of what you want or what you can improve on for the future!
3. Spend time with friends and family. Being around loved ones is a great way to remind yourself of the important things in life and gain a fresh perspective on what you’re looking for in a relationship. Remember that your family have all been through heartbreak and might even be able to share some tips on how to manage your emotions in a healthier way. Sometimes eating that whole tub of ice cream is needed and that’s okay!
4. Be honest with yourself. It’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship and what you’re willing to tolerate. Make a list of deal breakers and make sure to stick to them. Once you learn to make a physical block from those that don’t meet the bar, you’ll be able to shoo away what isn’t meant for you. Remember that what you allow is what you’ll attract.
5. Keep an open-mind: sometimes we get too obsessed with a specific criteria that we don’t see what’s in front of us. I mean this for the relationship side as well as self-love. The healing process is about respecting our bodies, minds, family and friends. Go on that social meet up with the girlies, go and try that new sport, go on that date with someone you wouldn’t normally go for. What have you got to lose?

By taking the time to find yourself, you’ll be setting yourself up for a healthy and happy relationship in the future. And remember, it’s important to enjoy the journey and have fun along the way. Don’t put too much pressure on finding “the one” right away – take your time and enjoy the ride. And who knows, while you’re busy finding yourself, you just might stumble upon the perfect person for you.

If you enjoyed reading this post, don’t forget to leave a comment and follow my page on Instagram @karishajadex for more!